sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
