we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
