seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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