this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
