About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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