There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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