so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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