I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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