Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
