My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
