The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize