***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
