dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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