It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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