someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
