my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if i died would you start the facebook group?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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