Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So vagazzling was a success
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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