I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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