Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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