I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
