my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
