went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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