The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she told me i tasted like america
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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