Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
