Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
