she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
