Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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