I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
True strength comes from lack of pants
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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