I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish I only lived at night.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
