i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
