Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
