If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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