I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
