its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
