you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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