recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
