dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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