I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
