I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
