Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
