Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
