I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
