i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
