Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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