Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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