yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
