i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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