So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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