Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
