when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
