just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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