When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
