thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize