then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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