I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My cat gives me a boner
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
