This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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