Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
