I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
