is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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