I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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