Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
