So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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